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Post by greenjeans on Apr 10, 2009 11:57:12 GMT -5
For a short time follwing Tim Burton's Batman, Sam Hamm was WB's comic book screenwriter du jour. Never mind that comic book pro Steve Englehart drastically rewrote most of Hamm's script uncredited (as did on-set script doctor Charles McKeown), Hamm got all the glory and thus was given the plum task of writing Watchmen as a possible Joel Silver/Terry Gilliam production. This is the result: www.scifiscripts.com/scripts/wtchmn.txtTo say this is hilarious would be an understatement. This is Zardoz-level funny. What's even funnier is that Alan Moore believed at the time that Hamm was the right guy for the job, based on his Batman hype. Needless to say, he got a very rude awakening. Not to mention Gilliam's first act upon taking the project was to dumpster this script and bring in two of the three guys who rewrote Batman -- McKeown and Warren Skaaren -- to fix Hamm's mess, and Hamm's Batman Returns script found itself in the nearest trash bin not long afterwards. Anyway, read and laugh hysterically. Just think: you could have gotten this movie instead. |
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Post by Valarak on Apr 11, 2009 16:39:13 GMT -5
This is the most horribly and hilariously written script in the history of horribly and hilariously written script. I laughed hysterically! XD Great find, man.  Valarak |
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Post by The New Frontiersman on Apr 11, 2009 17:09:57 GMT -5
Wow, that script was a piece of crap.
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Post by Aero on Apr 11, 2009 18:14:41 GMT -5
It's OOC and they did a lot of hilarious things (plus changed the ending). Honestly, so hilariousy over-the-top bad that it's funny. xD
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Post by greenjeans on Apr 11, 2009 18:20:29 GMT -5
Stuff like this makes it a whole lot easier to understand how stuff like Halle Berry's Catwoman and the JJ Abrams Superman Returns script where Krypton never exploded and Lex Luthor is a Kryptonian sleeper agent can get by without someone calling foul. I know and understand that movies are a different medium than comics, and the material needs some level of change to work in a movie format. But stuff like the Hamm script and the train wrecks mentioned above takes it way too far. There's a profound difference between making changes that enable a comic property to play well on film and making changes that gut the material of everything that makes it work. Had the Hamm scrpt been filmed, it would have been Zardoz 2.0; a cult classic for all the wrong reasons, remembered as laughably bad and hopelessly stupid. The proto-Battefield Earth, as it were.
By the by, the Twilight Sucks MB community is setting up a role-playing session based on the Hamm script, with the intention of playing the thing for laughs. Which is pretty much the only thing you can do with it, I suppose....
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Mina Murray
Crime Fighter
RPG Approval Team
"Do I distract you?"
Posts: 507
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Post by Mina Murray on Apr 11, 2009 18:41:46 GMT -5
LOL! I lost it when Rorschach said "Hiya pardner..."
I couldn't read anymore...couldn't read anything through the tears of laughter! ;D
Edit: Ok I read the rest of it OMG! It was so lulz worthy, especially Rorscach.
This line killed me! And his "hissing" lol.
And the ending was seriously WTF?
See fanboys and fangirls it could've been alot worse!
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Post by Aero on Apr 11, 2009 22:29:00 GMT -5
greenjeans: I understand what you mean. I think it's also part of the reason why some adaptations are somewhat looked down upon, seeing the reputation they get from having to change things to fit into the movie medium. Yes, several characters have been put up so far on the Twilight Sucks Watchmen thread. I think they mentioned there was a going to be two people playing Walter and Rorschach separately, that Edward Blake was taken, and someone claimed Alan Moore. I got shot while putting up the possibility of being Dr. Manhattan. xD @mina: That "Hiya pardner" part just made me think "Obvious OOC. xD" I kept laughing at how Hamm gave him a trademark hiss, and the line "Hnnrr.--Like to masturbate. La Grange once a day." sounded so OOC it was side-splittingly funny.
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Post by greenjeans on Apr 11, 2009 23:37:02 GMT -5
LOL! I lost it when Rorschach said "Hiya pardner..." I couldn't read anymore...couldn't read anything through the tears of laughter! ;D Edit: Ok I read the rest of it OMG! It was so lulz worthy, especially Rorscach. This line killed me! Godawful Fan Fiction lost it when this bit of business came up: And also with this: It's almost like Hamm was trying for the supehero version of American Pie at times. There's just no way this script would have resulted in anything but a farce. |
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Mina Murray
Crime Fighter
RPG Approval Team
"Do I distract you?"
Posts: 507
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Post by Mina Murray on Apr 13, 2009 22:39:58 GMT -5
Someone seriously needs to give this script the MST treatment!  |
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pax
Civilian
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Post by pax on May 17, 2009 23:09:29 GMT -5
I didn't get through, I think I stopped when Veidt visited Jon and Laurie or somethinglikethat. I couldn't continue.
It was amusing, though... a euphemism, I guess.
"Hiya pardner."
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